Love as Christ

Homiletical Idea: The marriage relationship is intended to mirror the relationship that Christ has with His church. The church is supposed to willingly submit to Christ and be willing to follow His guidance with the assurance that He has done all that is necessary to provide for the church's needs through His sacrificial love. Likewise also godly husbands are to love their wives with a sacrificial love that will create an atmosphere where godly women feel safe to submit to their husbands.

The Early Years

Very early on in my marriage there were certain things for which I developed a disdain. Just like most young couples who venture into marriage, I had no idea what I was really getting into. All I knew was that I thought Ginger was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and I wanted her to be my wife forever. I actually take credit for discovering her. You see my family moved around a lot when I was a kid and that put me attending many of the elementary schools around the county. So naturally when it came time to go to junior high I knew nearly everyone.

Ginger on the other hand had gone to church school for most of her education through the 8^th grade. After 8^th grade she came to public school and that is where I discovered her. It was spirit week and we were all allowed to dress funny and one day we were allowed to wear our hats.

Trying to fit in, Ginger came to school with a very unique hat on. She was wearing a sombrero. Needless to say she stood out from the crowd. The day she came to school with that sombrero on was the day that my life was changed forever. All of a sudden I noticed this shy, beautiful girl that was very different from all the other girls at school. Thus began my pursuit and this coming June we will have been married for 15 years.

Mild Irritations

Just like every other married couple our first few months and weeks were blissful as we tried to figure out how to live with one another. I often tell couples considering marriage that one day, not too long, after they say, "I do" the lust will wear off and they will be stuck with a marriage. You all know what I mean. When many first get married their actions are driven by a desire to satisfy the longings of the flesh. But after they get their sensual belly full they wake up one morning and wonder what happened to the person they married. Guys don't feel like the Lone Ranger because she felt the same way.

All of a sudden things that never mattered come shinning through as if being announced by trumpet fanfare; really important things like how your spouse squeezes the toothpaste, or perhaps how they put the toilet paper on the spool. All of a sudden your wife has an issue with you leaving the seat up on the toilet. You might even begin to notice that your husband or your wife snores like they are trying to kick start a Harley.

In the midst of all this you have to learn to deal with one another in such a way that it will lead you down a road of bliss and harmony. The part we all have to figure out is how to make our way down that road that is often times paved with the blood, sweat, and tears of the married couple.

Personal Struggle

I wish I could stand before you today and tell you that all fourteen years of our marriage has been a bed of roses, but that would be a lie. We too have had our tough times where our love, devotion, and patience were stressed to the max. But through it all we never left Jesus completely and I truly believe that the reason that I stand before you today as a happily married man is because Ginger and I both finally surrendered our marriage to Christ and allowed Him to become the focal point.

Today as we are celebrating the Sabbath on Valentine's Day I thought it would be especially important to consider what the Lord would have us do within our marriages. I can truly say that our marriage took a different course when we discovered and adopted the principles that I want to share with you today.

Please know that I do not stand before you today as a perfect husband. By God's grace I have become more and more what my wife needs me to be, but I still pray each day that I can better model what Jesus would have me to be for my wife.

Transition to the Text

Let us now turn our hearts to the text where we find the secret to love as Christ loves.

**Read Ephesians 4:1-ff**

We see that Paul is attempting to address the issues that result due to their lack of love and willingness to let go of the past. Paul urges them to walk as Christ has called them to walk. He reminds them that Jesus longs to see them unified for the cause of Christ. If they do that then they will be equipped to do the will of God. Just like in his message to the church in Corinth Paul tells them that they will become new people if they shed the old ways and embrace Christ's calling for them. Christ is calling them to love as He loves.

Anger after Sunset

Notice too that Paul addresses them getting angry. He literally tells them to be angry. But when you get angry do not fall into sin. The wording used in the Greek text is in the imperative form. In other words it is a command. He also commands them to not let the sun go down on their anger. In other words, settle your arguments without letting it drag on. The scariest part is that when we do let anger build and fester in our relationships it gives the devil an open door to our hearts. We essentially tear down our heavenly defenses because we are being controlled by an emotion rather than the Spirit of God.

Marriage Application

As Paul moves through his discourse he continues his admonition for the believers to live their lives modeled after Christ's example. I find it very interesting that he covers every aspect of life as he moves through this. Then he comes to the text that men love to quote to their wives. I have seen men get the cheesiest smile you have ever seen when they read this to their wives. Some even invest enough time to commit this to memory.

Before we get the men too excited today let's slow down and consider the teaching behind and around this statement. Notice that it says that women are to be subject to their husbands as to the Lord. Basically he is saying that when a godly woman submits to their husband then they are really submitting to Christ.

Some people stop right here and they will write this text off by saying that Paul was speaking to a culture that was oppressive to women and did not allow them to have the rights that they should be afforded. Friends, when you take time to look at the text in context you will quickly learn that Paul's comments have nothing to do with culture. They have everything to do with his understanding of theology.

If you take time to read the very next verse you can clearly see that Paul is making the parallel between Christ and the church. He asserts that the husband is the head of the wife just like Christ is the head of the church. In other words, there is a hierarchy that exists within the church and within the marital relationship.

We must remember that this counsel was given as part of a much larger counsel that was calling the Ephesians to walk in the manner worthy of their calling. If we accept the earlier part of his counsel then we must too accept this portion of his counsel. We must let Scripture have the final say and we must pray and ask that our lives be brought into harmony with God's will.

Inter-textual Support

Let's take a look and see where Paul finds the foundation for his teaching here. Turn with me if you will over to the book of Genesis. It is here that we will find the basis for Paul's command for women to submit to their husbands as to the Lord.

**Read Genesis 3:16**

The words that are being spoken here are not Paul's; they are the words of God the Father. So when Paul tells women to submit to their husbands as to the Lord he is simply affirming and restating what the Lord God has already set in motion by His own command.

We could safely say today that in order for a woman to be complete in her godliness she must be willing to submit to her husband as to the Lord. The phrase "as to the Lord" is simply another way of saying that when a godly woman submits to her husband she is doing what the Lord has asked her to do.

Ladies I do not want you to feel that I am picking on you today. I simply want to help make you aware of or to reacquaint you with the expectations that God has for you as a married woman. And if you accept all other counsel and reject this you are placing yourselves on dangerous grounds. I want to encourage you to seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him to show you how to be an encouragement and a help to your spouse. Solomon tells us that it is better to live in the corner of a roof or in a desert than to be with a contentious woman (Proverbs 21:9, 19). He ought to know because he had a many hundreds of wives, right?

The Burden of Godly Men

I now want us to turn our attention to that which the Lord requires of men. In case the ladies thought I was just going to give them grief today please rest assured that the greatest burden in the marriage lies upon the men in God's eyes.

As we look at what God requires of godly men it becomes apparent that men have the larger burden within the relationship.

**Read Ephesians 5:25-ff**

The question that must be asked when we hear that men are commanded to love their wives is what kind of love we are talking about. In the Greek there are several types of love. In this particular verse we have agape love. Agape love is that love like God has. It is a love that does not have conditions upon it. Agape love is the type of love that does not waiver depending on whether or not conditions have been met. It is a love that remains no matter what. This is what it means to love as Christ loves.

So men are commanded to love their wives without condition. That means that we love our wives even if they are bad cooks. It means that we love them if they happen to not stay the dress size they were when we said, "I do." I have actually heard men make comments about their wives' weight in front of them. I was embarrassed for them. Agape love is not going to be based on a quid pro quo; if you do this, then I will do that. No, agape love says that I am going to love you no matter what. It means that if I want to truly be a godly man then I have to be willing to put the needs of my wife above my own. Then and only then will I love as Christ.

This is where we define the second kind of love that Jesus demands from godly husbands. The text tells us that husbands have to love their wives just like Christ who also gave Himself up for the church. So a godly husband is not only going to love his wife unconditionally, he will also love her sacrificially. You see Christ was willing to die for His church; even the death of a cross which was the most humiliating death you could die in Christ's time. When you look at the life of Jesus you see that He endured all the trials of His life because He was not willing that the church should perish. He was not afraid to take upon Himself the shame of this world in order that you and I might live life abundantly and free.

Sacrificial Love

Now I realize that we are not being called to crucifixion to save our wives, but what are some ways that we can love them sacrificially?

• What about being the first one to say, "I'm sorry" when arguments arise?

• What about taking time to help out around the house?

• What about taking money we want to spend on ourselves and buying them something?

• What about getting off the couch and asking her if you can go do something that she wants to do?

• What about taking care of the kids so she can have a break?

• What about letting her have the night off and you cook the meal?

• What about stepping up to the plate and being the priest of the household like God has asked us to do and initiating prayer and worship in the home?

There are a million ways that we can love our wives sacrificially. If we are looking for ways then the Lord will give us guidance I promise you.

Foolish Not to Submit

As I consider the marriage relationship here I want you to realize the beautiful harmony that comes from following God's plan. Yes, godly women are called to be submissive to their husbands, but you have godly men being called to love their wives with unconditional, sacrificial love. Women, I don't want to come across too strongly today, but if you have a man that loves you the way that Christ has called him to do so, then you would be very foolish to not be submissive and follow God's plan. What woman would not want to submit to a man who loves her no matter what and is willing to forsake all his comforts to take care of her?

The beautiful balance comes when you consider that the godly woman submits to a godly man who wants only to see her happy and fulfilled and when she submits to him it does not make loving her unconditionally and sacrificially feel like crawling through broken glass on bare knees. Each one lifts up the other as they play the role that God intends for them to play.

Not only does this give us a recipe to having a wonderful marriage, it also gives us one more area that will then be submitted to Christ as He works to have His character shine through us.

One Spouse Not godly?

No doubt some of you may hear this and wonder just how much this applies to you because you perhaps do not have a spouse that is godly or who wishes to be. We need to realize that when God calls us to a standard He expects us to live up to it. You will notice that there is nothing in the text that indicates the wife or husband is free from their godly obligation if their spouse fails to do their part.

When wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord they have to submit whether or not their husband is godly or not because they are really submitting not only to their husband but also to Christ. Granted they should not submit to the point that it compromises their faith. The boundaries of submission only reach as far as to where compromise of Biblical principles does not occur.

Men, you do not have an escape clause either. You will notice that the love model that is put forth here is based on how Christ loved and loves His church. Let me ask you a question. Did Christ stop loving those who betrayed Him? No! Even while He was on the cross He prayed that his executioners would have forgiveness from the Father for their lack of understanding. Likewise men, you must love your wives even when they may not be so loveable. Is this always going to be easy? Of course not. But ease does not dictate the requirements of love.

**Appeal**